The Onion has been sold the Chinese, according to their editors. Differences have already started to appear, such as this amusing look at infrastructure security

Beneath the redacted sections, if you look at source, are the characters *@@##

Another funny story is Internet Adds 12th Website, where the Onion explains the web.

The World Wide Web, a device used solely for the enrichment of the nation and the advancement of lasting social stability, gained another website for the convenience of its users Monday, bringing the current number of existing Internet destinations to 12.

State security is preserved by the lack of exposure.

SeedStore.com provides everything online shoppers need without forcing them to sift through pernicious and unimportant so-called information that jeopardizes state security and disturbs national unity.

Yes, the news is racing like wildfire around the security community. South Africa has ATM machines equipped with pepper spray, as reported in the Guardian.

The first reports poke fun at the system by pointing out it is already misfiring:

The number of cash machines blown up with explosives has risen from 54 in 2006 to 387 in 2007 and nearly 500 last year.

The technology uses cameras to detect people tampering with the card slots. Another machine then ejects pepper spray to stun the culprit while police response teams race to the scene.

But the mechanism backfired in one incident last week when pepper spray was inadvertently inhaled by three technicians who required treatment from paramedics.

There are four big banks in South Africa: Absa, First National, Nedbank and Standard. While Absa has come forward with these details, others are still mum and say they do not want to tip off the attackers. It makes sense to keep a low profile.

While the cameras are supposed to be able to detect tampering, can they detect tampering by someone with a gas mask? Israeli masks are considered the best and only cost $20. Even just a pair of goggles and a respirator would prevent harm to the attacker, although a discharge would also alert anyone in the area. In fact, the discharge of pepper spray is considered toxic. Not exactly the sort of thing you want in every mall.

The cost of outfitting an ATM with chemical weapons is high, the configuration dangerous, the impact to the environment huge, and the countermeasures seem fairly trivial. Wonder how Absa calculated the risk/reward.

SensoryMetrics has posted a hilarious view of how privacy changes the game for search engines. Treating social network friends as a group apparently helps the efficiency of their searches. In theory…

the intrepid MS researchers have discovered that search results are improved when the searcher’s contacts are taken into consideration. Basically, all of your LinkedIn friends are likely searching for something similar when Googling “what channel is the superbowl on this year” (Google Trend’s top 17 search term today.)

Microsoft’s Newtonian insight is based on a study using 100 Microsoft staffers. Apparently they were all Googling similar things.

Top 5 Microsoft searches:
1. Fixing vista
2. how to fix Vista
3. what do we do with Vista
4. windows 7 deadly sins
5. can I bring my iPod back to work

Too funny. This breaks down when you get groups of diversity rather than conformity, and perhaps even further once you realize your privacy can be tracked through association and so you start to leave search chaff (TM) intentionally.