Epitaph to Boatswain

by George Gordon Byron, 6th Baron Byron (1788 – 1824)

Near this spot
Are deposited the Remains
Of one
Who possessed Beauty
Without Vanity,
Strength without Insolence,
Courage without Ferocity,
And all the Virtues of Man
Without his Vices.

The Price, which would be unmeaning flattery
If inscribed over Human Ashes,
Is but a just tribute to the Memory of
“Boatswain,� a Dog
Who was born at Newfoundland,
May, 1803,
And died in Newstead Abbey,
Nov. 18, 1808.

When some proud son of man returns to earth,
Unknown by glory, but upheld by birth,
The sculptor’s art exhausts the pomp of woe,
And stories urns record that rests below.
When all is done, upon the tomb is seen,
Not what he was, but what he should have been.
But the poor dog, in life the firmest friend,
The first to welcome, foremost to defend,
Whose honest heart is still his master’s own,
Who labors, fights, lives, breathes for him alone,
Unhonored falls, unnoticed all his worth,
Denied in heaven the soul he held on earth –
While man, vain insect! hopes to be forgiven,
And claims himself a sole exclusive heaven.

Oh man! thou feeble tenant of an hour,
Debased by slavery, or corrupt by power –
Who knows thee well must quit thee with disgust,
Degraded mass of animated dust!
Thy love is lust, thy friendship all a cheat,
Thy smiles hypocrisy, thy words deceit!
By nature vile, ennoble but by name,
Each kindred brute might bid thee blush for shame.
Ye, who perchance behold this simple urn,
Pass on – it honors none you wish to mourn.
To mark a friend’s remains these stones arise;
I never knew but one – and here he lies.

Byron was accused of all kinds of disloyalty and subversive acts (e.g. his adoption of a pet bear when he was told as a student at Trinity that pet dogs were not allowed), but he clearly found solace and perhaps even a more essential and honest companionship with his animals. Perhaps it was because they were less likely to counter his words with their own.

Single Points of Failure

Single points of failure pop up in the strangest of places. I’ll never forget the day when a colleague noticed a lonely single orange (fiber) cable coming out of a giant disk array. We were working in a data processing facility where the world’s largest computer manufacturers dropped off their latest-greatest technology for us to evaluate and bang on. The manufacturer was so impressed that he noticed an oversight on their part that they flew him out several times to meet with their engineers and review their designs in person. Sometimes seeing the obvious stuff makes you the expert.

In a similar vein, I was just reading a post in alt.folklore.urban that claims a US Navy Vessel was almost completely disabled when Inertial Navigation Systems (INS) went offline:

For close to a week and a half an Aegis class destroyer ended up piloted through shallow extreme-Northern Arabian Gulf waters by a combination of extremely cautious steering, celestial navigation, dead reckoning, and the occasional check by landmarks if we got too close to an oil platform.

[…]

More nerve-wracking for the rest of us was the fact that all our weapons systems with the exception of the Phalanx Close-In Weapons System are dependent on the INS for levelling information, the failure of which turned them into so much useless scrap. Those of us dealing with our one offensive weapons system, Tomahawk, regarded it as a grand vacation during which we didn’t have to notify the entire chain of command up to CentCom that we would be down for routine maintenance.

I’d be surprised if they don’t regularly practice running the ships on reduced navigability or impaired systems, but with today’s rapid-development and release industries it seems more prudent then ever to double-check for redundancy, in case of failure.

Techno-fibbing

Two stories were posted in the news today that have an interesting relationship. First, Reuters has reported on a UK study that people find it easier to tell lies when they do not have to be in the physical presence of their audience:

Just over half of respondents said using gadgets made them feel less guilty when telling a lie than doing it face to face, the study on behalf of financial services group Friends Provident found.

[…]

The survey found that while people were dishonest, most told lies with the best intentions and to spare others’ feelings.

Sounds like proof of common sense to me. Everyone likes to justify their actions in the best possible light, and it’s definitely less encumbered to speak freely into a piece of plastic than to interact with a real live person.

Second, the Associated Press has reported on a Fire Department in Tennessee that told a white lie to a caller in order to unravel a string of prank 911 calls:

After receiving a false report of a gas leak on Dec. 14, firefighters compared notes.

They confirmed 15 fake 911 calls over a two-month period, including four house fires, six car crashes and various other medical emergencies. All came from the same cell phone.

So they called the number and left a message saying the phone’s owner had won a gift card from a major retailer, Fire Capt. Brent Seymour said.

With so many people up in arms over privacy as it related to their cell phone, I find it notable that the fire departments may be the last group in America to have access to data. They probably just do not have the kind of leverage (what, with saving lives and property?) that large marketing and advertising companies will as they cozy up to telecom providers.

Needless to say, as the study above suggests, the prank 911 caller tried to say he had the “best intentions”:

Harms, 29, told authorities he thought he was doing taxpayers a favor by drawing otherwise lazy firefighters out of their cozy fire halls, according to court papers.

US Strip Search Apology

Another case of airport security in America gone horribly wrong:

The Homeland Security Department sent a letter apologizing to a Muslim woman who was detained at the Tampa airport and strip searched at a county jail.

Safana Jawad, 45, a Spanish citizen who was born in Iraq, was detained on April 11 because of a suspected tie to a suspicious person, authorities said. She was held for two days before being deported to England.

Why England?

Jawad was traveling to Clearwater to visit her 16-year-old son, who lived with her ex-husband, Ahmad Maki Kubba. Kubba, an Iraqi exile and American citizen for 27 years, was praised last year by Gov. Jeb. Bush for organizing a group to vote in Iraq’s election.

Kubba said his ex-wife’s detention prompted his son to move to Spain.

“I lost my son because of what happened,” Kubba said. “My son wanted to be in the U.S. Navy, and he speaks both English and Arabic. He would have been just what they are looking for. What they did to Jawad was unfair and is hurting America.”

Of course no one at the jail was found in violation of the rules, because the rules indicate you can do just about anything to anyone in the name of security. At least the rule enforcers didn’t send her off to one of the non-existent CIA “black sites”.