This past summer I mentioned a bracelet called “Live Wrong” that parodied Lance Armstrong’s “Live Strong”. I just noticed The Onion has revisited this idea, with another funny version called the Floyd Landis “Cheat to Win” bracelet. In true Onion style, you can buy your own on their online store for just $2.99…also, in related Onion news:

TAMPA PALMS, FL — Avid sports-memorabilia collector Michael Bowen was arrested Tuesday after attempting to raise the value of his Wade Boggs rookie card by killing Wade Boggs.

And if that doesn’t have you shedding a tear, this story might:

Thousands More Dead In Continuing Iraq Victory […] “Victory deaths are at a higher level than we had anticipated, yes,” Gen. George Casey, Jr. said at a press conference shortly after the figures were released. “But one of the crucial lessons of our Vietnam experience is that a victory, in order to remain victorious, can’t be abandoned halfway through, or in the case of Iraq, one-eighth of the way through.” […] President Bush has consistently warned that if we hand over victory to local forces right away, there’s a risk that victory may worsen, as Iraqis won’t be able to contend with the guerrilla attacks and improvised explosive devices that claim the lives of dozens of the victorious every day.