Is it a good Samaritan act to protect a neighborhood in Texas from the highly dangerous Tesla? Asking for a friend who was killed by one of these Swasticars.

The League City Police Department is investigating the theft of tires from 11 Tesla vehicles at 2455 Tuscan Lakes Blvd. League City police say 44 tires were stolen on Valentine’s Day, with an attempt made on a 12th vehicle. On February 15, another attempt to steal tires from a Tesla was reported. Both cases have been inactivated due to lack of leads.

Someone without the proper Tesla app credentials managed to physically reduce these vehicles’ operational capacity to zero? But the app! The app! Software is the future!

Elon’s engineers surely are frantically coding a software update that will make wheels optional. That magical “push” strategy working yet?

Mars doesn’t needs wheels does it? Maybe Tesla can charge extra and call this an upgrade to their future of never actually achieving space travel.

I wonder if the 12th set was abandoned because Tesla’s new security feature activated: does the car alarm shout Heil Hitler yet?

Security experts recommend Tesla owners implement a new defensive protocol: buy a different brand.