Category Archives: Poetry

More Proof Microsoft is Run by Monkeys

No, I am not talking about the video of Steve Ballmer doing the monkey dance — showing his dislike of creationism.

And I also am not talking about the theory that Shakespeare’s work could be replicated if you put enough monkeys on keyboards.

I am talking about the simple fact that if you are asked to secure a network environment, you will inevitably end up facing a Microsoft system setup to be a primary source of authentication, yet at great risk from attackers. You want to help, but every security expert knows Microsoft is a mess to work around.

It’s like being asked by a king to secure a castle after his keep was built with open doors at the top of stairs that terminate all over the place, often outside the perimeter walls. Imagine having to say “This design allows the village idiot to walk right into your bedroom and sleep with the queen. You didn’t know you were paying for that?”

Companies have to pay a hefty fee to make it safe after the fact, and in some cases the only way to make it safe it to tear it out and replace it. Can you believe Windows 98 was even allowed to be put on the market?

“Cheep, cheep” comes to mind.

Could monkeys stand in for Shakespeare? Interesting question, but perhaps more interesting is why people think it is fine for monkeys to manage software products.

Maybe Eliza Griswold’s Monkey poem explains this somehow:

Last week, the children ate his mother—

dashed her head against the breadfruit.

A young girl soldier laughs,

tears the baby from my leg

and hurls him toward the tree.

Corporate politics? Primitive product testing?

Cat in the Sink

by Get Fuzzy

Water,
water,
everywhere…
I didn’t do it.

Many thanks to the readers who forwarded the link to me. Here is another one — the hilarious run-up cell that gives a taste of Fuzzy’s logic:

S: You wrote a poem?
F: “Wrote”? Sir, I am bloated with steamy wonderousness. My poems are not so much written as they are excreted.

The City and Its Own

by Irving Feldman

Among the absolute graffiti which
—stenciled, stark, ambiguous-command
from empty walls and vacant lots,
POST NO BILLS, NO TRESPASSING HERE:
age and youth-Diogenes, say,
and Alexander, dog-philosophy
and half-divine, too-human imperium-”
colliding, linger to exchange ideas
about proprietorship of the turf.
Hey, mister, you don't own the sidewalk!
Oh yeah?
Yeah! the city owns the sidewalk—mister!
Oh yeah! says who?
Thus power's rude ad hominem walks all over
the civil reasoner, the civic reason.


Everyone has something.
Everything is someone's.

The city is the realm of selves in rut
and delirium of ownership, is property,
objects made marvelous by prohibition
whereby mere things of earth become ideas,
thinkable beings in a thought-of world
possessed by men themselves possessed by gods.

        . . .

So I understood at twelve and thirteen,
among the throngs of Manhattan,
that I dodged within a crowd of gods
on the streets of what might be heaven.
And streets, stores, stairs, squares, all
that glory of forbidden goods, pantheon
of properties open to the air,
gave poor boys lots to think about!
And then splendor of tall walkers
striding wide ways, aloof and thoughtful
in their nimbuses of occupation,
advancing with bright assurance as if
setting foot to say, This is mine, I
am it-and passing on to add,
Now yield it to you, it is there.
Powers in self-possession, their thinking
themselves was a whirling as they went,
progressing beyond my vista to possess
unthought-of worlds, the wilderness.

These definitions, too, have meant to draw
a line around, to post and so prohibit,
and make our vacant lot a sacred ground.
Here then I civilize an empty page
with lines and letters, streets and citizens,
making its space a place of marvels now
seized and possessed in thought alone.
You may gaze in, you must walk around.
—Aha (you say), conceit stakes out its clay!
—That is a cynic's interpretation,
pulling the ground out from under my feet;
I fall, I fear, within your definition
which, rising and dusting off my knees,
civilly I here proclaim our real estate,
ours in common, the common ground
of self, a mud maddened to marvel
and mingle, generously, in generation.

Nice interpretation of infrastructure and controls.