For some reason top EV tuners decided to settle on a common Ford van as their platform to win Pikes Peak this year.

“Together with our STARD partners, we have built the E-Transit SuperVan 4.2 to be a truly competitive machine focused on getting to the top of the mountain quickly,” said Mark Rushbrook, Global Director, Ford Performance Motorsports. “The Pikes Peak Hill Climb presents the perfect opportunity to showcase Ford’s electric vehicle technology and bring light to EV Performance.”

And they were right, their 50kw battery box turned in a stunning performance of second place overall with a time of just 8:47.682 (seven seconds behind a purpose-built F1 racecar), and first in class.

Some may remember the original Ford delivery van “super” concept in 1971 was a Ford GT40 chassis and mid-mounted 5.0-litre V8 (435HP). It ran 100mph in second gear but its aerodynamics were so scary drivers kept ruining the upholstery. That might explain the heavy body modifications on what they call their fourth release of the supervan concept, based on a 1,400HP tri-motor EV far more powerful than a GT40. Of course I wish they had joked “may the fourth win” and covered it with pictures of Princess Lea.

I’m not sure but I think the class that Ford was in this year, by far the largest class, was the “CEO isn’t a loud mouthed homophobic racist Nazi enabler“.

As much as I have always hated Ford and their Nazi past, I have to say they seem to be coming around and, at least in this case, delivered the goods with an inspiring supervan.

For comparison, and speaking of Nazi CEOs, the boring overpriced Tesla “privileged model” Plaid strained to get into 10th overall, placing second in the Exhibition class with a time of 9:54.901.

To put that pace in perspective, a local 1994 Ford Bronco clocked in 13 seconds later at 10:07.261. And on that note, a 1995 BMW M3 achieved a 9:20.433, half a minute ahead of Tesla’s best attempt.

At least this year a malfunctioning cheap touchscreen to control window defogging, one of the dumbest ideas in car history, didn’t force Tesla’s bogus “prestige” car to quit the race again.

It really wasn’t much of an exhibition. And it named itself the “Dark Helmet” as a pathetic self-own based on Mel Brooks’ depiction of Nazism.

…now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.

Not kidding. The Tesla car officially was entered as a Hitler meme before delivering a bad performance. That makes Tesla the “are we the baddies” class of clueless classless losers.

Ford delivering a second place finish overall just seven seconds behind the leader, tells me they know exactly what to do for that win. But, perhaps more importantly, do they want their brand also to permanently dunk on Tesla’s love of fascism?

It’s right there in front of them, with the full weight of history, to do the right thing.

The “fourth” won. See the opportunity just missed, Ford? Instead of a tank that could be the new E-Transit Supervan in production for victory against fascism.

Rowan Atkinson has some brilliant things to say about why nobody should be in a rush to buy an electric car.

In terms of manufacture, [modern ICE] cars have paid their environmental dues and, although it is sensible to reduce our reliance on them, it would seem right to look carefully at ways of retaining them while lowering their polluting effect. Fairly obviously, we could use them less.

Old cars haven’t actually paid their dues. In fact, their dues go up with use.

I get what he’s saying though. Cars now end up lasting decades, almost like bicycles.

His bottom line is that he wants electric car purchases to come as a reasonable transition… instead of a rushed environmental disaster due to a “fashion” craze among attention-seeking buyers who crash and burn without care.

Gradual, thoughtful systemic changes made instead of rushed snakeoil? Seems logical.

Tesla ideas have been unquestionably bad for the environment, rather uniquely among electric vehicles. I’d say they are a joke, but Rowan Atkinson is the expert on that subject.

Poor quality engineering is why junkyards now see hundreds showing up in the first 10,000 miles.

It’s become the bell-bottom pants of cars, but more importantly perhaps the sweat-shop-made highly flammable toxic polyester pair that already have killed dozens.

In other words, if Tesla were a clothing company, they would be out of fashion far too quickly yet probably deemed illegal not fast enough.

Speaking of which, I’ve noticed 1,000s of used Tesla flooding the market in San Diego, California. Apparently people there are realizing the immediate death trap risk, if not other long term catastrophic design and service failures. Should they be allowed to resell?

Interesting thoughts by someone realizing their whole life improved when they quit orienting their life around gasoline.

Every side of the EV industry is focused on fast charging, and making it faster. It should be—on a road trip or otherwise needing to minimize downtime, it’s crucial to plug in somewhere that can charge as rapidly as the Ioniq 5 allows. But the odd thing about fast chargers is that they can inflict wasted time. A roughly half-hour session adding 200-plus miles of range is impressive, but that’s a period I need to stay in or near the Ioniq 5, lest I incur idle fees or the ire of another EV driver. But it’s also not necessarily enough time to get anything meaningful done.

In certain situations, so-called “slow” Level 2 chargers provide more flexibility, as I’ve found with the Flo network’s 7-kW charger, located two blocks from my apartment. I must retract my earlier cruel descriptors of it: “too slow to be worthwhile” and a “worst case scenario.” It’s proven to be neither.

Driving home late one evening, I found myself on the brink: With the Ioniq 5’s battery at just 4 percent, I’d left barely enough to reach a fast charger the next day—if it would be enough at all. But that neighborhood plug sat unoccupied, so I decided to see what it could do for me overnight. Turns out, a lot. Getting to 80 percent took nearly 10 hours, but it was all time I spent asleep and getting work done at home the next morning. That is, exactly what I’d do regardless.

Another useful instance occurred on a Saturday afternoon, when there was nothing on my schedule but chores and a bike ride. With the Ioniq 5’s battery at 45 percent I didn’t strictly need to charge, but with the Flo charger free, I figured I might as well. My activities took slightly more than 5 hours, enough time for the battery to reach 90 percent.

Of course they were driving an electric car brand other than a Tesla, otherwise the story would simply be about them being burned to death.

I don’t understand the appeal of a Porsche at all, which probably is why their eBike announcement lands flat.

They have two models available until August 2023. Why? No explanation given.

The price seems double other brands, with no explanation why either.

Someone in their marketing department either doesn’t ride bikes or doesn’t care about them. Maybe they were mad they got assigned the eBike copy. In any case, here’s the kind of thing they wrote:

…hydraulic disc brakes from Magura bring you to a standstill quickly and safely.

Who on a bike gets excited about the imagery of a standstill? Is that what they want us to focus on? Not riding?

Oh the thrill of a bike… not moving at all, feet on the ground.

…robust wheels from Crankbrothers guarantee maximum directional stability…

Robust stability? Robust directional stability? Wat. How about stiffness or weight?

There’s not much more to the announcement, to be honest.

…the very latest powerful Shimano drive unit consisting of motor, battery and mechanical gears ensures effortless acceleration…

Drive unit?

Ok, who in their right mind would describe pedaling as effortless acceleration?

That’s not pedaling.

Just give it a throttle and stop pretending it isn’t a motorcycle, if acceleration was intended to have no effort.

And who describes a bike as a powerful drive unit of motor, battery and gears? That’s what they think is powerful, not a fine machined crank pushed by muscle?

Awful.

Go buy yourself a set of overpriced brakes and useless pedals to stand idly or sit still and hope to be noticed for doing nothing:

Porsche.

Come to think of it, that describes their car owners pretty well.